The coverage of formula 1 is set to slip partially into the hands of Sky next year and somewhat out of the hands of the BBC. This has disappointed many fans of the sport (and pleased many fans of repetitive adverts), but it is important to consider that this deal was finalised by Bernie Ecclestone, and when Ecclestone is involved nothing is ever finalised.
For those of you who don’t know who Bernie Ecclestone is, he’s a hundred and twelve years old (rumoured to be immortal), looks like someone’s started to draw a lasagne and then given up and made it into a person, and enjoys making absurd decisions whenever he can. As the boss of F1 Bernie’s job is to make sure the sport is handled in the most professional way possible. However this remit seems to have passed over his head, which considering his height is not surprising, and instead he has revelled in suggesting a chocolate medal system for drivers, an on-track sprinkler system to appeal to fans of Mario kart, and is looking forward to commissioning a Sudan grand prix. Because of Ecclestone, I honestly expect to be greeted with the news that the UK coverage is to be shown primarily on ‘QVC’, with a highlights package being broadcast every half a year on ‘men and motors’.
It’ll be a shame to lose some of the BBC’s coverage though, because overall it’s been of excellent quality. Sure, the line-up was never perfect. Eddie Jordan’s rants are absolutely unintelligible: it’s like he starts making a point, thinks of a subsequent point as he’s speaking, and then tries to start that point before finishing the current one, only to revisit strands of the original point half-way through a third point. All of this is interspersed with hand gestures and sighs that suggest he’s just as annoyed as we are that he can’t express what he’s trying to say.
One the other hand you have David Coulthard, who looks like he was conceived when two cubist paintings decided to mate. DC is rather dissimilar to Eddie in his presentation style, and can eloquently express his Red Bull bias tinted comments with ease. Whenever Eddie is speaking Coulthard always looks highly and rightfully embarrassed, probably in the same way a teenager would look if his mum went up to his friends and asked them whether he’s as sweet with them as he is at home.
Finally, you have Jake Humphrey, who took the lead role from ITV’s Steve Rider when the BBC started covering F1. This was good because Steve Rider held his microphone like someone had asked him to hold one of their sausages (hold it properly damnit man!). Humphrey used to present the CBBC classic ‘Bamzooki’, which if I remember correctly involved a group of children shouting at an empty table onto which blocky creature things were later superimposed. Clearly Humphrey is good at dealing with children, which is a useful ability to have when working with Eddie Jordan.
The charisma of the three works fairly well, although the jokes about pink shirts and Eddie being old sound like they were lifted from a script to a Spotify advert that tries to be funny. To be honest, I’m not even going to worry about who covers what next year. There are always not at all illegal internet streams, and if Vettel’s current dominance continues then I might as well just listen to the German national anthem on repeat anyway.
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