I’m having a bit of trouble deciding whether Halloween is the least interesting yearly day of celebration or not. It’s a battle between it and Easter (I’m not even bothering to count bonfire night; more like boring-fire night lol!!!), and Easter is currently proving the slightly less pointless. I mean, during Easter you are socially obliged to consume unhealthy amounts of egg-shaped confectionary, whereas during Halloween the traditional way to obtain chocolate is through a door-to-door costume-based system, which, let’s face it, is effort.
Speaking of which, it’s been a long time since I’ve been trick or treating, which is good because it is almost certainly socially unacceptable, border-line phone the police territory for someone my age. The only way those over the age of about thirteen can still engage in the tradition is to give birth to child humans and walk around with them in the role of supervisor. Of course if you’re horrendously desperate for free sugar and as of yet have not succeeded in finding a reproductive partner, then you can just walk behind groups of children in the hope that you’ll seem like their mother or father, only to leech off their chocolate haul throughout the evening (not recommended).
If you think about it, the ‘trick or treat’ deal is a rather unjust and threatening exchange. A child, dressed in a Woolworth’s tribute to a fictional character that uses black magic for malevolent purposes, demands confectionary at the potential cost of ‘trick’, which can only be assumed is some sort of harmful practical joke. It’s almost a diluted version of a mugging and, if on any other day of the year you commanded a stranger to provide you with Haribo under the threat of throwing an egg at their double glazing, you’d be on a slippery slope towards an ASBO.
Having said that, the ‘trick’ element of the whole system has become rather non-existent in more middle class areas, so much so that the exchange should really be renamed ‘treat please’. If denied sweets in spite of combining a Hulk mask and Power Rangers costume, most of Surrey’s children just walk away in shame. I am told however, that in rougher areas of London the ‘trick’ element is actually the more prominent of the two, and the system should really be called ‘this is my Mondeo now’.
If you are a cool person, a lot of what I’ve said about Halloween being pointless may have gone straight over your popular head, as like birthdays, Christmas, New year and Fridays, Halloween is just another fantastic opportunity to get ‘wasted’ via alcohol (well Halloween is all about spirits).
Firstly I must apologise for that pun and secondly I must advise all such alcohol users to begin carving a pumpkin prior to drinking. This is because for me at least, carving a face into a large root vegetable is extremely difficult: many a year I have exerted effort to the extent of perspiration in an attempt to make my Pumpkin look angry/scary, only to result in it looking confused or inquisitive. This year I have quite literally not bothered to add a face to the one provided and will simply leave it in its natural state, possibly putting a torch on the floor next to it so it’s at least visible.
That might seem like a distinct lack of effort on my part, but in reality a large proportion of the British public acknowledge Halloween to the same extent they acknowledge music copyright laws. It’s one of those half events that as a nation we’re not entirely sure how seriously to take, much like Valentine’s Day or black history month. Some say that ever increasing Americanisation will mean it gets bigger and bigger, but based on current social and economic growth I think the popular Chinese ‘Bow to Emperor 胡锦涛’ day is set to be the next big thing.
I feel I come across as too negative in these blogs, so to end on a positive note I’d like to point out how nice the weather’s been recently.
No comments:
Post a Comment